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Refuge and Strength: Prayers for the Military and Their Families,
by Theodore W. Edwards, Jr.
This small, pocket-sized book of prayers and short Bible readings is designed to be a companion to Christian men and women in the military, serving on bases in the U.S. and around the world and in harm's way on the battlefield. It is also intended for use by the families of military personnel, linking them through the strong bond of prayer with their loved ones across time and space. Included are brief forms of morning and evening prayer; prayers for the realities of daily life in service; prayers for protection, for the nation, for those who have died, and for a safe return home
Deployment and Children
Sean and Katie Cox recently
gathered the following material in preparation for Chaplain
Cox's deployment. They wanted to share their research
with other families who are also preparing for a parent's
deployment.
Dear Teachers,
We recently learned that my husband,
Sean will be deploying to Afghanistan February 2, 2007
and will be away eight months. Understandably, this
is fairly traumatic news to our children . I have researched
and compiled some information about children and deployment.
Much of it is based on child development and stress
research that you are probably already familiar with,
but some of it is unique to deployment situations. In
a few instances, I found links to education specific
information that the websites would allow me to view,
but would not allow me to print. Therefore, I have included
a list of links for you.
Sean will be serving as a Chaplain
for the US Navy somewhere in Afghanistan. Unfortunately,
we do not have much specific information regarding details
such as exact location, address, communication, etc.,
but will be happy to let you know what we learn, if
you desire. We will be utilizing the time he is away
to learn about the country and people of Afghanistan.
Our unit study will include geography, language, religion,
culture, food, and journaling. The children would enjoy
opportunities to share what they have learned with their
classmates.
Thank you for being a point of consistency
to our children.
Sincerely,
Katie Cox
Deployment and Children
Children of deployed members of the military experience
a broad range of reactions to the stress of family deployment.
Their reactions may include anger, sadness, fear, confusion,
and feelings of abandonment, loss, anxiety, and depression.
Each individual in the family of a deployed service
member must adjust to new roles and responsibilities
in addition to the “loss” through separation
of their loved one(s). Most students and their families
will be able to adjust to a “new normal”
after the departure of a spouse or parent. The cycle
then repeats and readjustment must again occur at reunion.
Phases of Deployment:
(Each phase produces a new cycle of emotions and new
(or renewed) stress.)
(1) Pre-deployment – The time before a service
person leaves but during which the family is preparing
for departure.
(2) Deployment – The period of time the service
person is actually absent from the family.
(3) Reunion – The time after the service person
returns.
Needs of Children:
• Establish and maintain a predictable routine
• Ample warning about changes in routines
• Talk about the deployed person
• Positive avenues for expressing feelings
• Validation and valuing
Normal Manifestations
of Deployment in Children:
• High levels of emotional response such as continued
crying and intense sadness
• Appear depressed, withdrawn and non-communicative
• Difficulty concentrating in school
• Increased frustration
• Express violent or depressed feelings in “dark”
drawings or writings
• Temporary developmental regression (i.e. bedwetting)
• Discontinue taking care of their personal appearance
If any of the “normal” reactions to the
stress of deployment persist over six weeks following
deployment or twelve weeks following reunion, then the
parent needs to be notified and a referral made to appropriate
school, community or military services.
Serious Stress
Manifestations of Deployment in Children:
A student may show signs of serious stress during and
immediately after deployment to war. The following signs
indicate that the student is in acute distress and will
need to be referred for immediate evaluation:
• Intentionally hurt or cut themselves or are
at risk for hurting others
• Gain or lose a significant amount of weight
in a period of weeks
• Exhibit a possible drug or alcohol abuse problem
• Unfocused agitation or hysteria
• Disconnection from peers and
• Serious depression or withdrawal
• Auditory or visual hallucinations
• Any prolonged major change 6 or more weeks after
deployment or 8-12 weeks after reunion
As an educator, you play a critical
role in the life of each student. You are a significant
and valuable resource and support as the children affected
by deployment learn to cope and also to grow during
this time of change.
Student Coping Strategies:
• Engage in play activities
• Write in a journal
• Read and discuss stories about children in conflict
and children as problem solvers
• Write cards or letters to the deployed family
member
• Make a memory book or calendar reflecting positive
thoughts and actions
• Make a time capsule at the beginning of deployment
• Engage in art activities
• Write stories and poetry
• Relax by doing deep breathing and muscles relaxation
exercises
• Learn problem-solving strategies
• Exercise
• Listen to music
• Refer to individual and group counseling when
problems arise
TEACHER INTERVENTIONS IN THE CLASSROOM
FOCUS ON STUDENTS AND THE CLASSROOM
LEARNING ENVIRONMENT: Retain classroom routines and
an emphasis on the importance of learning, always leaving
room for tending to students’ needs.
PROVIDE STRUCTURE: Maintain a predictable,
structured class schedule with specific rules and consequences
to provide support and consistency for your students.
When students are distressed about news from their parents
or the circumstances of the deployment, you may want
to find an appropriate time for students to share feelings,
needs, and fears and have their feelings validated.
It is important for students to believe that they are
not alone emotionally and to be reassured that their
school is a safe and caring place.
MAINTAIN OBJECTIVITY: Respond to events
in a calm and caring manner, answer questions in simple,
direct terms while helping student’s transition
back to their normal studies and activities. Regardless
of personal political beliefs, as a professional educator
entrusted with vulnerable children who need nurturing
and support, refraining from expressing possible negative
opinions about their loved one’s involvement in
the military is a significant contribution to their
emotional well-being.
REINFORCE SAFETY AND SECURITY: After
any classroom discussion of a deployment related event,
end the discussion with a focus on the child’s
safety and the safety measures being taken on behalf
of their loved one. In the event of a deployment due
to crisis or war, protect students from unnecessary
exposure to frightening situations and reminders. Limit
adult-to-adult conversations about frightening details
in front of your students. It is best not to have television
news as a backdrop when students are in class.
BE PATIENT AND REDUCE STUDENT WORK
LOAD AS NEEDED: Expect some temporary slow down or disruption
in learning when a change affecting students occurs.
Plan for shorter lessons and proceed at a slower pace
when necessary.
LISTEN: Be approachable, attentive
and sensitive to the unique needs of children coping
with deployment and family separations. Let the child
know that they can speak with you or with a school counselor,
nurse, psychologist or social worker about their questions
and concerns. Take time to discuss the deployment and
provide factual information. It is important to reduce
fear and prevent rumors from spreading. By allowing
students to ask questions, they can gain information
about the event which helps take away some of their
confusion. Talk about events in terms they can understand.
Limit scary or hurtful communication. Some children
may express themselves inappropriately; however, it
is important to recognize that this is also a way of
coping with overwhelming feelings of fear, anxiety and
confusion.
BE SENSITIVE TO LANGUAGE AND CULTURAL
NEEDS: It is difficult to express or interpret feelings
when children and parents or caregivers speak a different
primary language. Bilingual/bicultural personnel are
most important in providing intervention services. Teachers
and other school personnel must be aware of, knowledgeable
about and sensitive to the values and beliefs of other
cultures in order to assist students and their families
appropriately. Inquire about school, community and military
resources that are available to assist.
ACKNOWLEDGE AND VALIDATE FEELINGS:
Help students develop a realistic understanding of deployment.
Provide reassurance to students that the feelings of
loss, anger, frustration or grief are normal responses
to separation. Everyone reacts and adjusts to deployment
and change at a different pace.
REINFORCE ANGER MANAGEMENT: Expect
some angry outbursts from students. While recognizing
that it is natural to feel hurt and angry when someone
we care about has left, there are appropriate ways to
express anger without hurting yourself or taking your
anger out on others. Reinforce age-appropriate anger
management and adjustment interventions to ensure a
climate of nonviolence and acceptance. Make appropriate
referral to the school counselor as appropriate.
Sources and Web resources:
A
Primer for School Personnel Working with Military Children http://www.aap.org/sections/unifserv/deployment/DeploymentWebSiteResources/Working_with_Military_Children.pdf
Educator’s
Guide to the Military Child During Deployment
http://www.aap.org/sections/unifserv/deployment/DeploymentWebSiteResources/educator_guide.pdf
AAP
Uniformed services Deployment
http://www.aap.org/sections/unifserv/deployment/index.html
Deployment
Booklet (the district office should have a copy)
http://www.militarychild.org/ResBooklet.asp
Operation
Military Kid
http://www.usda-army-ydp.org/omk/resource/resources.htm
Deployment
Resource List for Military Spouses & Families
Books:
Cecil, Nancy Lee. Raising Peaceful Children in a Violent
World. San Diego, CA: LuraMedia, Inc., 1995.
“I know Daddy uses a gun at work, but we don’t
play like that!” What a confusing statement to
a child. What exactly do we tell our children about
peace and being peaceful when they have a parent away
at war? How do we prevent the development of animosity
toward the country where the parent is serving? Rich
with hands on, active suggestions for conversations,
activities, and books to read with children either in
a home or group setting, this text can provide parents
and care givers with some very practical strategies
for coping with the violence in today’s world,
and their child’s emotional reactions to it.
Dumler, Elaine Gray. I’m Already
Home: Keeping Your Family Close When You’re On
TDY. Westminster, CO: Frankly Speaking, 2003.
Text contains practical suggestions for specific things
(tasks) to do in order to foster positive communication
between family members during a deployment. It is written
in a list format with occasional essays. Most of the
suggestions are easily implemented. Some are a bit expensive
and take significant work and advance planning to implement.
Greene, Bob. Duty: A Father, His Son,
and the Man Who Won the War. New York: Harper Collins,
2000.
As a reservist’s wife, I have to be honest, I
didn’t understand. I did not internalize the sense
of duty, the loyalty. I suppose in a sense I felt that
our lives were pieces playing in some world-wide chess
game – unnamed & expendable. Yes, I am patriotic,
but I was not immersed in the military culture, I just
did not understand. Reading this book helped me to understand
my husband’s devotion, his loyalty, his duty –
and it helped me to understand the incredible gift he
and thousands of others are providing to the citizens
of this country.
McCoy, William. Under Orders: a Spiritual
Handbook for Military Personnel. Ozark, AL: ACW Press,
2005.
Military families do not wear the uniforms or medals,
but we are ‘Under Orders’ just as much as
our spouses. Sometimes we have to accept those orders
with more blind faith. This book opens with the quote
“You can do anything you put your mind to…”
It focuses on God’s call and guides those of us
connected to the military through a process of making
sense of the things we are called upon to do and endure.
Pace, Brenda and Carol McGlothlin.
Medals Above My Heart: The Rewards of Being a Military
Wife. Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers,
2004.
Bible based devotionals focusing upon specific rewards
of military life. This text is very positive and a bit
preachy at times. Still, I found it encouraging and
inspiring.
Roy, Denise. My Monastery is a Minivan:
Where the Daily is Divine and the Routine Becomes Prayer.
Chicago: Loyola Press, 2001.
This text is a compilation of 35 stories of and reflections
on life with children. It is written in a funny, witty,
light hearted style with out too much technical theology.
The real value of this text is that it encourages us
to look for God in the mundane around us and emphasizes
that none of us are perfect parents (or spouses) all
the time. The author affirms that our families flourish
in spite of – or maybe because of those imperfections
and the glimpses of God they reveal.
Children’s Literature:
Our goal was to provide our children with quality children’s
literature that communicated to them that they are loved,
other children also deal with deploying parents, and
that everything would work out okay. In all of the books
below, the deployed parent returns home safe. Please
preview all books related to deployment before reading
them with children or giving them to the child to read
alone. We received one with an unhappy ending from a
well meaning friend. It stimulated very productive conversation,
but also elicited some (probably) avoidable nightmares.
Bradby, Marie and Peter Catalanotto
(illus.). The Longest Wait. New York: Orchard Books,
1995.
Bunting, Eve and Kay Life (illus.).
My Red Balloon. Honesdale, Pennsylvania: Boyds
Mill Press, 2005.
Ehrmantraut, Brenda and Vicki Wehrman
(illus.). Night Catch. Jamestown, ND: Bubble
Gum Press, 2005.
Ferguson-Cohen, Michelle. Daddy, You’re
My Hero And Mommy You’re My Hero. Little Readhead
Girl Publishing, 2005.
Hallowell, Kirsten. Daddy is a Soldier.
Victoria, Canada: Trafford Publishing, 2004.
Lyon, George Ella and Peter Catalanotto
(illus.). Cecil's Story. Scholastic, 1995.
Spinelli, Eileen and Renee Graef (illus.).
While You Are Away. Hyperion, 2004.
McCormick, Wendy and Jennifer Eachus.
Daddy, Will You Miss Me? New York:
Aladdin Paperbacks, 1999.
Tomp, Sarah Wones and Ann Barrow (illus.).
Red, White, and Blue Good-bye. New
York: Walker & Company, 2005.
Audio / Video:
Eckhart, Jacey. These Boots: A Spouse’s Guide
to Stepping Up and Standing Tall During Deployment.
Produced by Military One Source. Audio by Silver Linings.
Ceridian Corporation, 2006.
Free 60 min. Audio CD available from www.militaryonesource.com
Jacey presents a very personal and entertaining reflection
on the realities of military spouse hood, specifically
the challenges of deployment. It is very helpful for
both spouses to listen to this CD.
Elmo’s Deployment: Talk, Listen,
and Connect DVD
www.sesameworkshop.org/tlc/
Free DVD & print materials that help military families
process the feelings and challenges of deployment. It
is a very emotional video designed for viewing by children
and parents together.
Annotated Bibliography Compiled by Katherine Shaw Cox,
M.A.T.
Katherine Shaw Cox is the spouse of a Navy Chaplain
deployed during Operation Enduring Freedom. She can
be reached at katherineshawcox@gmail.org
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